Winter-Fatigued

At this stage of the game there’s hardly anything more beautiful than blue sky.  Blue sky, no wind, and balmy refrigerator-like temperatures in the 40’s.  Bliss.

dscn1813

A few days ago a  report hit the internet saying that Portland could be the most winter-fatigued city in the country for the 2016-2017 season.  Five storms in five weeks, pushing and keeping us well beyond our winter norms for way too long. I would be happy to step up and accept that Most-Winter-Fatigued Award on behalf of everyone who lives in the part of the world.

It was exhausting, stressful business, especially for women who like me, live alone.  On the home-front it took vigilance to keep my pipes from freezing, and near super-human strength to dig my car out, shovel my driveway and sidewalks and then help my elderly and disabled neighbors do the same. I’d go to work on very dangerous roads and come home to shovel more, including digging out another car and getting it to a safe place. I missed one weekend day of driving my car and it refused to start again. AAA was days away from being able to respond to my call because of the area-wide state of emergency.  Because the car was dead in my driveway they suggested I wait at least 3 days before calling again. 

I am blessed with friends who are willing to help where they can, and it felt like it took a village this time.  Vera picked me up for church on Sunday morning and returned me home.  Kay came over with her battery charger which didn’t perform well for us. After a time we moved on to jumper cables, and were spectacularly unsuccessful with both attempts working in that 15 degree wind-chill.  Vera kindly returned to take me to work on Monday. Cindi ordered a Lyft car for me to get to a memorial service during the work day. While at the service friend Lori asked if she might have my car keys to give to her husband so he could have a look at my car.  The battery was not cooperative so Doug called his mechanic son-in-law for consultation. Finally the car started.  It took so much help to make one normally simple thing happen! 

My struggles were easy compared to some of the women who work for my company; many of them single parents who are just making it.  Their cars wouldn’t start, or were unsafe for driving on ice and snow. We ordered Lyft cars to get them where they needed to be so they could work, and we did the same for those who usually take public transit. Some stopped in at the office for various things, in pain from the cold and worried about what was going to happen next. It was a frightening time for people living on the edge, and lonely and stressful for many having to manage on their own.   

Reading the winter-fatigue article this morning actually made me feel better—it was validating. The difficulty was real.

Today I’m sure that all of Portland feels the hope of good days ahead with the blue sky, sunshine and balmy temps.  The weather people say we have a week of sunny days coming.  I for one am very, very thankful.

 

 

They Say I’m a Winner

I have the certificate taped up in my kitchen:

National Novel Writing Month is proud to certify

This Writer, author of An Improbable Life

As a 2016

WINNER

Congratulations, writer! This November you spent 30 days exploring your creative

universe, and defied gravity to reach your goal of 50,000 words.

Your story is a vital star in an expansive, beautifully diverse cosmos. We’re so proud

to have been part of your incredible achievement.

I was not planning to participate in 2016, in fact I wasn’t planning on ever doing it again. I participated twice before many years ago. Both times I had finished but the biggest problem was that I’d gone into it without a plan. I had no interest in doing that again because it was a lot of effort and a lot of words without much hope for further success.

But…during the last week of October my daughter (who lives and works on the opposite side of the world) sent me a message asking if I’d do NaNoWriMo with her.  How could I possibly turn down an invitation like that? So there I was on November 1 without much of a plan. Again.  I will qualify that: I had a teeny-tiny plan.

I knew that I just didn’t have the heart for trying to mine fiction from my tired mind so I decided on memoir.  It had been a very challenging year that had brought multiple facets of my life together in unexpected ways so I wrote three strands of memoir-story and attempted to braid them together as the story went on.  I am about as pleased with it as a writer can be with a first draft.  As I hoped, I had many a-ha moments along the way with clarity, insight, and questions that had not surfaced before.

I was so looking forward to having a writing buddy, especially in the daughter I only see every two years. But just a week into the project my daughter had to drop out because of increasing demands in her work place. I was disappointed but I was in so I kept at it.

It was hard.  Even harder than I remembered.  November is not an easy month to give that much time and effort—at least not for me.  In addition to the time constraints I felt the fatigue of dredging through and analyzing many life changing experiences. But I finished and they say I’m a winner!  My plan is to look at the manuscript this spring and see about two or three sections that I could develop into saleable articles.  It’s very satisfying to finally have a plan and a goal coming from so much effort.

Homebound Weekend

dscn1765

After more than a week of deeply cold temperatures and roaring, blustering wind the ice has come.  Everything is coated in ice from the freezing rain, and from where I sit (right next to the fire) I can see that the icicles are getting noticeably longer as the day goes on. 

I must admit, I love being unexpectedly homebound.  There was good potential for this storm in the forecast, and the weather-folk kept referencing a serious cold snap and ice storm that occurred more than 35 years ago.  I remember that storm well, from the three days without power to the constant noise of chainsaws cutting up downed branches and trees. With that in mind I made sure I was ready with plenty of firewood, dripping faucets to protect from freezing pipes, food that could be enjoyed cold or even better, warmed in the fireplace, and a mind made up to revel in the happiness of having one or two days at home without a schedule, by myself.

dscn1768

It’s taken time and practice to learn to live alone, and to be quite happy about it.  As one of my elderly widow friends told me several years ago, “I’ve learned to enjoy my own company.”  Part of that enjoyment comes from understanding where I find my contentment.  In the winter if I have means to make a fire, have interesting things to read, to think about or to do, food to cook, some sense of order and beauty in my surroundings, small tasks at hand, and the absence of conflict I’m good for days by myself.  For me, the kind of situation I’ve described makes room for rest and peace, and for thoughtful movement forward. It’s a time for restoring body, mind, and spirit, and for renewing faith.

This was supposed to be a church-kitchen cooking weekend for me, fixing lunch for the 30-40 people who would be un-decorating the church after the gathering this morning.  They did me an enormous favor by cancelling Sunday gatherings yesterday so there was no ongoing concern or conflict in my mind about whether I’d have to try to get there or not.  Folding loads of clean kitchen laundry this afternoon was one of those pleasant small tasks I enjoy. A good stack of hard-working blue aprons, dozens of bar towels, and several banquet length tablecloths.  Stuff that my contentment is made of today.

dscn1767

There is so much unrest and uncertainty coming from nearly every direction, and sadly, more of the same in my workplace.  At least I can turn off the media, but in my day to day Monday through Friday I carry a great weight of responsibility for helping staff stay true to our vision, and to treat each other with dignity and respect even when they don’t feel like it (which seems to mirror much of what we hear about every day). The flip side of that responsibility is to make sure that every client gets the very best of who we are, every single day. I believe wholeheartedly in what I do, but it can leave me utterly exhausted, worn out in body and spirit.  Daily I pray the prayers of Solomon, asking for wisdom and for the insight to be a good and effective leader. 

And that is precisely why folding the church kitchen laundry brought me to such a peaceful place today.  Restoring order, quiet contemplation and thanksgiving, enjoying the feel of the textures in my hands, simple beauty—all good things that helped me enjoy my own company.  I know it’s not likely to happen, but I have to say that I would really like just one more day.

The Beautiful Words of 2016

You’ll hear it everywhere you go: 2016 was a _______________ (insert word) year.  That choice of word ranges anywhere from awful to terrible—with many other descriptives in between.

I really don’t know if 2016 was any worse than many other years, but I do know that it was surprisingly challenging and wearing for me.  I arrived at the last week of the year feeling like I desperately needed to let go of a heavy weight of fatigue.  Marvelous things had happened, but the effects of sadness and stress weighed a ton.

In addition to the multiple deaths and loss of friends and family I had a very personal challenge handed me when my landlord arrived at my doorstep on April 1 with a letter in hand.  I wasn’t home at the time so my houseguest accepted the letter and put it on the mail stack without another thought.

When I saw his writing on the envelope later that day I dropped everything to grab for it. It was one of those letters I raced through to get to the bottom line as fast as I could, I needed to know the big picture story before I had brain space to consider the details. Just tell me! Tell me!  The key phrases: I retired today, putting the house on the market, buy it or move out, 90 days.  Things—everything actually, can change so quickly: News of death, news of health changes, news that your home isn’t secure….  Here in one of the craziest housing markets in the country this was not simple news and it was definitely not good news as a renter.  There were few housing options available but good decisions still had to be made very quickly.

I’ll go straight to the bottom line for you, it all worked out. It was a long, difficult, and extremely stressful  4-plus month wait to get to closing.  How I became the homeowner instead of the renter is quite a story that involves people from around the world.

To change my perspective I needed to take the long view, take the time to remember how it happened, how it worked out.  The first thing for me to remember was that people prayed. Before any decisions were made people said, “I will pray,” and they did.  Then a decision to move ahead was made with input from an expert who had offered to help.  And then, from many places came more of the most beautiful words in the world: I will help. We want to help.  Of course, we’ll help.  Will you let us help?  I want to be part of your story, please let me help.

As the year ended I stepped out from under the fatigue of the hard work and stress with an improved view.  2016 is the year that help came.  This change feels so much better and helps me look forward to the new year with a lighter, more joyful outlook.  Happy New Year.

house-pic